Managing emotions
With Dr David Craig and Dr Katy Gordon
Now retired, David was Consultant Psychologist at NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde, and leader of their community Pain Education Sessions. He has over 20 years’ experience working in chronic pain services.
Katy is author of ‘Barriers to Self-Management of Chronic Pain in Primary Care’ (BJGP, 2017) and contributed to ‘Communication and Relationship Building with People in Pain’ (CSPMS, 2021). During her time as Pain Concern’s research officer she developed the award-winning Navigator Tool.
This information was last updated in June 2025. It is due for a review in June 2028.
Chronic pain can have a big impact on day-to-day life: sleep, employment, relationships and on. This can cause emotional strain on top of the pain.
To think about how pain gets mixed up with everything else going on in our lives, healthcare professionals use what’s called a ‘bio-psycho-social’ model, which recognises that biological, psychological and social factors interact in our overall experience of pain.
Here we’ll focus on the psychological, or emotional, part of pain.
How might chronic pain make me feel?
There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ answer. Emotions and thoughts differ from one person to the next and over time. What we do know is that the emotional impact can be long-lasting and overwhelming, partly because of changes to the brain caused by chronic pain.
We spoke to a wide range of people with pain about some of the negative feelings and thoughts that they have experienced:
You think, Am I really in this amount of pain? Can I really not just go and do that? It has a terrible effect on you. I was very low; I was suicidal for years.
You’re having to ask somebody to do the basic stuff like cooking, cleaning and ironing. You feel guilty you’re not doing it yourself. You feel inadequate.
Friends would ask, Are you going out? – No, I couldn’t possibly go out! – Do you not want to try going out for some tea? – I DON’T WANT TO GO OUT. I was really defensive because I was so angry that I couldn’t lead a normal life.
What can I do?
I have noticed that if I have a bad day, I can be in a bit more pain. If I’m in a good mood, the pain is maybe not quite as bad.
The close links between the centres of pain and emotion in the brain make it almost impossible to have pain without having negative emotions as well. Recognising the emotional impact of chronic pain can be a first step towards being able to manage both pain and emotions better.
People have found the following helpful:
1. Don’t stop doing things
When you are feeling low you might not feel motivated to do the things that you usually enjoy, like spending time with family and friends and other social activities. However, avoiding these can further entrench negative feelings. Try to keep doing the things you like and spending time with the people you care about.
2. Take a step back
When we feel low, we can often get caught up in believing a range of very negative things about our situation, the future or ourselves. Taking a step back to observe what you’re feeling and what you’re saying to yourself can often be helpful. It allows you to see thoughts for what they are – just thoughts.
3. Identify triggers and learn to manage them
How you react to things and what you say to yourself can trigger upset in the same way as the pain can. Is there a way to become more aware of the triggers so you can make a choice about how to respond? Look at what led up to the way you are feeling. Is there something, not necessarily the pain itself, that always leads to stress, upset, etc.?
4. Give yourself credit
Day-to-day activities and responsibilities become hard to fulfil when living with pain. It’s important to acknowledge what you ARE doing. Perhaps you could even start the habit of noting it down. Could you learn to give yourself the support you would give a close friend? Recognise and celebrate even small successes, gently encouraging yourself when the going gets tough.
5. It’s OK to ask for help and accept it when it’s offered
To manage the intensity of pain we need a team of people around us who we can call on for support – family, friends, colleagues. Who could you turn to on a really bad day?
If your mood is very low or you feel very anxious or frustrated, don’t expect to manage it all by yourself. Speak to your GP or try a support group for people in pain in your local area.
